It’s Christmas Day and my entire family are out woop woop. Why aren’t I with them? Where do I start?
I don’t like Christmas. I don’t enjoy the expectation of cooking and cleaning when certain family members get to sit back and do sweet fuck all all day. Also, since it’s at my cousin’s house in the country, that means siting out in the hot weather and my ghostly white skin does not agree with that. There’s also a very real possibility of snakes joining the celebrations (they’ve had one in their fucking house) – so no, thank you.
In short, I am a garbage person. So, what do garbage people cook for themselves for Christmas? A garbage plate – a vegan garbage plate. I’m really just preparing myself for a life of loneliness.
I was introduced to the Rochester, NY delicacy that is the garbage plate by Jenna Marbles when she had Julien cook one for her. Watch the video below to learn more about the dish.
To save yourself rushing around too much, I suggest preparing the pasta salad the night before
On the day you intend on eating a garbage plate, follow these directions:
The potatoes take the longest to cook, so we’ll start with them
Preheat your oven to 190 degrees Celcius fan-forced
Peel the potatoes and cut into a 1-2cm dice
Add the diced potatoes to a saucepan of boiling water and cook for around 5 minutes
Drain the water and pat the potatoes dry with some paper towel
(optional: toss the potatoes with a little seasoned flour to create a little bit of a crust once cooked)
Transfer the potatoes to a baking tray and cook for 20-25 minutes until crispy and lightly browned
While the potatoes are in the oven you can get started on the meat sauce
When there’s 10 minutes left of the potatoes cooking, it’s time to cook the burger patties
The Linda McCartney burgers are quite thick so I prefer to cut them in half – the patties, however, are frozen so you’ll need to place them on a warm frypan, and cook for 1 minute on each side to thaw them
Remove the pattie from the heat and carefully cut it into two
Return the patties back to the pan to cook the side of what was the center
Brown nicely on each side, then add a slice of cheese on top of each pattie
Place a lid on the frypan and allow the steam to melt the cheese
It’s time to plate up, and you can really do this however you like – I did something similar to Julien in the video above
Add the pasta salad to one side of the plate and the baked potatoes on the other half of the plate
Put a line of the meat sauce down the center, touching both the pasta salad and the potatoes
Place the cheesy patties on top, and then add some tomato sauce (ketchup), mustard and a little hot sauce
Serve and enjoy!
Makes 1 serve (because you’re forever alone)
What are garbage plates like? They’re strange but magically delicious.
- The meat sauce with all its spices is so flavourful – the TVP takes the taste of anything you add to it. The texture is near identical to mince meat but it’s cruelty-free, low fat and high in fibre.
- The pasta salad has just the right amount of dressing, and it adds a bit of freshness to the dish.
- Linda McCartney 1/4lb burgers would fool a meat eater with their juicy texture – they remind me of ones you’d get from fast food outlets.
- Don’t be afraid of vegan cheese – MyLife BioCheese is creamy and melts just like dairy cheese
- You could fry the potatoes if you prefer, but these potatoes are just as crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside without any added oil.
You might not think all these things would work together but for some reason they do. The bonus of this meal being vegan, and the oven baking method of cooking the potatoes means that this is a filling meal, however it’s not greasy and doesn’t leave you feeling gross. I might feel like a garbage person, but I certainly don’t physically feel like garbage after eating a garbage plate.
My final thoughts on garbage plates…